Black Keys (How to Cope with the Death of a Loved One)

This post was requested by my friend. I’m sorry for your loss. No one deserves to go through something like this. No joke, you’re doing really well though. Stay strong friend.

I know I can’t really relate. I’ve lost a few loved ones but it was never as sudden as your loss. I’ll still try to write something for your sake. Bear with me.

Life is like a piano.

There will be white keys (joy) and there will be black keys (sadness).

As life goes on, remember that black keys make music too.

One way or another, we will lose someone we love. It’s the truth of life. You will hear the phrase, “There’s no such thing as forever.” I know it’s overused but it’s completely true. We’re humans after all.

Being human, we naturally feel sad that we lost someone who was always by our side, talked to us, and especially cared for us. However eventually, we’ll have to learn to deal with it. I know it’s hard, but we have to carry on with life. I’m not saying that we should forget them, but I’m saying that we have to learn how to bear the pain, become strong, and move along with our lives.

In this post, I’ll enumerate my suggestions on what you should do to carry on. (Since the title does have the “How” part in it) Hopefully, I’ll be able to help.

1. CRY.

This is pretty simple. You’ve just lost someone. Cry out all that sadness. You’ll feel slightly better. I promise.

2. Remember the good times and the bad times.

You need to commemorate the person’s life by remembering. You’ll need to condense all your memories of that person and bring it all into one full experience you had with him/her. Also, you need to understand why these things happened. You’ll need to do this many times. Later on you’ll realize as you keep going back to your experience, you will stop feeling sad and will instead be thankful for the time you’ve spent with him/her.

3. Write to that person.

Your loved one may be gone from your sight but the impact of his/her life remains. Writing a letter to someone who you know will not reply is actually some sort of meditation to keep you at peace. If it was a sudden death of a loved one then it may even bring peace to his/her spirit in the afterlife (if you believe in those things). The important thing is that you’re able to say everything you’ve always wanted to say to him/her. It helps you move on.

4. Talk to your friends and family.

No brainer. We’re all sociable beings. We need other people to live. Likewise, we need other people to help us move on from the loss of a loved one. They will comfort you and you will feel better. Trust me.

5. Go out and enjoy life.

If your loved one was watching you right now, he/she wouldn’t want you to feel sad over him/her. Go out and do some fun things. It will help take your mind off the sad things even for just a while.


I’m Catholic and I have to say, I always feel better if I talk to God about something bad. Praying is also a form of meditation that will make you calm. If you don’t believe in that sort of thing then that’s fine. However, it works. I can say that for myself.

7. Remember that he/she will always love you no matter what.

That’s it. Without a doubt, that’s the most important thing to remember.


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